thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
