I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
