There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
