I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
