What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize