Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
