have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
