well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
