i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
