i just google imaged poop.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you had me at cake vodka
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
