It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
