Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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