I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
