Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
