she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
