Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
