this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
