So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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