Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
