I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
