I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
