you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
