I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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