end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
