I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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