i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
