Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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