its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
