There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
