Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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