R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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