I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
