He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
