Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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