Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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