Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
