I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
