I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
