I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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