Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
