I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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