On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
