My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this just has baby written all over it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
