im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
