those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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