Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
