Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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