I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
