Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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