hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
