I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
